Finding myself in a wilderness

This may turn out to be part one in a series – but here goes…

I’ve just found out I’m in a wilderness in my life. Which explains a lot of things, like why I’m feeling so lost in some areas, lacking in direction, sustenance. It helps me understand why this season feels so hard, fruitless and like its a gruelling trial with no end in sight.

This evening I was able to attend Burn, an expression of our church community where there is no format, only the intention to seek God; praying and worshipping to see where His Spirit will lead us.

As part of my process of giving control of my life back to God, I went forward for prayer. I felt that God had placed a number of things on my heart to deal with; to forgive myself for regretting 10+ years of life that I think I wasted, to ask for help with patience and to receive God’s Spirit, to refresh me. While praying, one of the leaders came and said that he felt God saying that I am in a wilderness (which one of my colleagues had suggested a few weeks ago…), to learn, be trialled, tested, shaped, prepared – and at some point I’ll be called out, back to serve in a particular way, for a particular purpose. For what? I don’t yet know, perhaps glimpses i’ve seen, but for now…

… For now I have found myself in a wilderness. I have to learn how to navigate it; what to do next…


4 thoughts on “Finding myself in a wilderness

  1. Wilderness can be good if scary…wilderness is a time of change, adventure and moving on… Abraham, Moses, David – they all had their time in the wilderness, as a time of preparation. It’s scary, challenging, exciting and terrifying all at once. But the Lord our God is with us always, that is His promise. Remember Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (I think it was) where he had to step out over a chasm to reach the Holy Grail, and although it looked as if there was an infinite drop, the bridge rose up to meet him? These words are for me as much as for you, please do not think I am preaching – I too am in a wilderness on one particular front at the moment. God’s blessing on you and yours – Emma

  2. Your posts are very brave and searingly honest. I feel your hurt and confusion – thank you for sharing it with us. All we can cling to at times like these is the knowledge that God has a plan. We know he uses the wilderness as a time of learning and growth. But that doesn’t make it any easier to live through. You have my prayers, and those of many others I am sure. Rest in God and, as you say in your other post, listen…

    • Thanks for your comment and support, and for reminding me of God’s plan. It is hard, knowing He’s there, but nevertheless, wandering around. Without too much detail, these are a reflection of where I’m at – finally inspired to Get over my (lifelong) fear of putting my true thoughts into the public domain and trusting God that He’s got it covered. Thanks for listening, and for caring. God bless you.

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