Finding myself in a wilderness

This may turn out to be part one in a series – but here goes…

I’ve just found out I’m in a wilderness in my life. Which explains a lot of things, like why I’m feeling so lost in some areas, lacking in direction, sustenance. It helps me understand why this season feels so hard, fruitless and like its a gruelling trial with no end in sight.

This evening I was able to attend Burn, an expression of our church community where there is no format, only the intention to seek God; praying and worshipping to see where His Spirit will lead us.

As part of my process of giving control of my life back to God, I went forward for prayer. I felt that God had placed a number of things on my heart to deal with; to forgive myself for regretting 10+ years of life that I think I wasted, to ask for help with patience and to receive God’s Spirit, to refresh me. While praying, one of the leaders came and said that he felt God saying that I am in a wilderness (which one of my colleagues had suggested a few weeks ago…), to learn, be trialled, tested, shaped, prepared – and at some point I’ll be called out, back to serve in a particular way, for a particular purpose. For what? I don’t yet know, perhaps glimpses i’ve seen, but for now…

… For now I have found myself in a wilderness. I have to learn how to navigate it; what to do next…