It’s a harsh title but honest. Softened, it means I need to stop being ‘Mr Fix It’.
In all aspects of my life; my Faith, marriage, parenthood and work, especially, I have been striving. I’ve let my dependance on God slip, my Faith & trust in Him waver and I’ve nurtured the belief that I’m in control of my life.
In short, I’ve made myself an idol – believing that I know better than He does & that I am somehow more powerful.
I’ve been praying & asking him for what (I think) I need. But I have stopped seeking Him for His Will: for what He knows I need and I’ve stopped making the time & space to hear His voice.
God’s still talking to me – I have stopped listening.
How did I realise? Life became too hard. It became devoid of it’s richness, the fruit stopped growing & my stress levels rose. I know that those are not things that God wants me to experience.
But God loves me & so He revealed this to me. He began to reveal it in my heart, He used His people & he spoke through His Word, specifically, these verses:
“… But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord…” Ja 1:6-7
I was doubting God. Doubting His plan for me, His love for me, that He is in charge; looking out & providing for me. It was getting painful, stressful, unhappy, joyless & I wasn’t coping. I cannot live His Way without seeking Him for His guidance and provision.
“We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” (Pro 16:9)
– That’s been me!
Because he loves me, he not only showed me how I was going wrong, but gave me a hand & is helping me out of my distress too.
I turned towards him & he received me. I shared my problems with Him directly & with couple of close Christian brothers, admitting my lack of faith & trust in Him. (In other words repented & confessed.) My friends prayed for me.
The next day I began in quiet prayer, recommitting myself to Him & giving him some undivided attention, allowing me to hear what he’s saying. And he said this:
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (Ja 1:5)
So I’m purposefully trying to step forward again in God’s strength & not my own.
This is what i’m trying to do differently:
1. Give God some undivided attention each day. Without distractions.
2. Stop talking to Him all the the time. Start listening.
3. Read the bible. After all, it’s the clearest way to hear His Word!
4. Stop trying to be in control of everything I’m involved with & trust Him.
Good bye Mr Fix It!
the waywalker 