How long will I walk in the wilderness?
Forty ‘somethings’? (Years, months..?)
When did it begin? When will it end?
Certainly until I am ready, until I am prepared.
For what? A ministry. In what? Yet to be fully revealed. When will it be revealed? Perhaps a ‘burning bush’ moment… When God will reveal more of His specific plan for me & call me out of my wilderness.
Until that time. I wait, walk, seek and follow.
As I explore my wilderness, I thought I’d better check out some definitions:
1. a wild and uncultivated region, as of forest or desert, uninhabited or inhabited only by wild animals; a tract of wasteland.
3. any desolate tract, as of open sea.
5. a bewildering mass or collection.
Includes the following definitions:
“…those last truly wild places that humans do not control…”
“The word wilderness derives from the notion of “wildness”—in other words, that which is not controllable by humans.”
For me it is indeed a, “bewildering,” place. Knowing that it is not only not controlled by humans but also, “not controllable,” makes it that much more important to have a guide…
A short note, reflecting on what God has to say about wisdom, particularly in light of yesterday’s post.
… the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. James 3:17-18
God’s wisdom is centred in peace, not aggression. It’s impartial, not personal. It is gentle, not harsh. It is merciful and open to reason, not closed and unforgiving. And it’s full of fruit, “… the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self- control; against such things there is no law. “(Galatians 5:22-23) Plus it is sincere; given in love.
If you’re looking for His wisdom and have any uncertainty about whether it is from Him or not, His Word gives very clear signs by which to recognise it.
For my own part it’s not just about the wisdom I receive but that which I give, too. These are the standards set that, when I’m imparting wisdom, I must live up to.
“… A wise person stays calm when insulted.” Proverbs 12:16
This verse was highlighted to me by UCB’s Word for the Day (a great daily devotional, subscribe here)
I’d not come across this verse before, but it really reminded me of how God breaks our cycle of hurt and revenge and how He gives us the power and choice to do the same.
When we are insulted (or at the very least, criticised) it’s all to easy to lash out in defence of ourselves, a move which can often inflame a situation. Often a simple comment can escalate into a full-blown argument because of the initial response. The apostle James references this proverb when he writes about how to live properly, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19-20)
By slowing down, and thinking about a response, rather than reacting to a painful comment (however hurtful, critical or insulting) we can stop that cycle of escalation before it even starts.
That’s what struck me about God breaking our cycles of hurt & revenge – responding to a hurtful comment with another one etc. He gives us the opportunity to forgive, and in that moment be wise, by understanding the consequences of a retort based in hurt. He gives us the power of forgiveness, of foregoing that pain and letting it pass by, rather than fuelling it.
That power is the power of the cross and the sacrifice Jesus made, to take the brunt of the world’s sins and bring about their forgiveness. That sacrifice is the ultimate cycle-breaker.
This verse made me remember that we have the power to break the cycle of hurt and revenge too.
… & am glad I now do.
Here begins my collection of less well-known Bible verses (by me at least) that I find really encouraging.
29With your help I can advance against a troop 30 with my God I can scale a wall.
Footnotes:
2 Samuel 22:30 Or can run through a barricade
What an awesome little reminder of what we can accomplish with the God of all the impossible in us?
Contextual note: In the wilderness, it’s especially good to be reminded of what our Faith in God means we can really do. It’s all about developing our Faith, increasing it & trusting in God more & more – giving up less & less of ourselves…
Discovering I’m in a wilderness has been like having my eyes opened. I’m not just looking at what it contains, but I’m beginning to see things for what they are.
Having this perspective helpfully re-aligns my expectations & means that I’m not looking for the same things I was. To go with the analogy of a natural wilderness, instead of expecting to see green fields and lush vegetation to feed on, I’m looking under rocks for water & bugs! Which I’ll be happy if I find!!
This goes much deeper than the country’s current economic circumstances, I’m aware that my wilderness time is more spiritual & pervades many areas of my life.
But I wander around now, a little better prepared; I’m looking for different things & in a different way – I don’t know what I’ll find, I’ve just got to keep following God, seeking Him for direction & provision.
And who knows. Maybe I’ll even find a burning bush!
This may turn out to be part one in a series – but here goes…
I’ve just found out I’m in a wilderness in my life. Which explains a lot of things, like why I’m feeling so lost in some areas, lacking in direction, sustenance. It helps me understand why this season feels so hard, fruitless and like its a gruelling trial with no end in sight.
This evening I was able to attend Burn, an expression of our church community where there is no format, only the intention to seek God; praying and worshipping to see where His Spirit will lead us.
As part of my process of giving control of my life back to God, I went forward for prayer. I felt that God had placed a number of things on my heart to deal with; to forgive myself for regretting 10+ years of life that I think I wasted, to ask for help with patience and to receive God’s Spirit, to refresh me. While praying, one of the leaders came and said that he felt God saying that I am in a wilderness (which one of my colleagues had suggested a few weeks ago…), to learn, be trialled, tested, shaped, prepared – and at some point I’ll be called out, back to serve in a particular way, for a particular purpose. For what? I don’t yet know, perhaps glimpses i’ve seen, but for now…
… For now I have found myself in a wilderness. I have to learn how to navigate it; what to do next…
It’s a harsh title but honest. Softened, it means I need to stop being ‘Mr Fix It’.
In all aspects of my life; my Faith, marriage, parenthood and work, especially, I have been striving. I’ve let my dependance on God slip, my Faith & trust in Him waver and I’ve nurtured the belief that I’m in control of my life.
In short, I’ve made myself an idol – believing that I know better than He does & that I am somehow more powerful.
I’ve been praying & asking him for what (I think) I need. But I have stopped seeking Him for His Will: for what He knows I need and I’ve stopped making the time & space to hear His voice.
God’s still talking to me – I have stopped listening.
How did I realise? Life became too hard. It became devoid of it’s richness, the fruit stopped growing & my stress levels rose. I know that those are not things that God wants me to experience.
But God loves me & so He revealed this to me. He began to reveal it in my heart, He used His people & he spoke through His Word, specifically, these verses:
“… But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord…” Ja 1:6-7
I was doubting God. Doubting His plan for me, His love for me, that He is in charge; looking out & providing for me. It was getting painful, stressful, unhappy, joyless & I wasn’t coping. I cannot live His Way without seeking Him for His guidance and provision.
“We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” (Pro 16:9)
– That’s been me!
Because he loves me, he not only showed me how I was going wrong, but gave me a hand & is helping me out of my distress too.
I turned towards him & he received me. I shared my problems with Him directly & with couple of close Christian brothers, admitting my lack of faith & trust in Him. (In other words repented & confessed.) My friends prayed for me.
The next day I began in quiet prayer, recommitting myself to Him & giving him some undivided attention, allowing me to hear what he’s saying. And he said this:
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (Ja 1:5)
So I’m purposefully trying to step forward again in God’s strength & not my own.
This is what i’m trying to do differently:
1. Give God some undivided attention each day. Without distractions.
2. Stop talking to Him all the the time. Start listening.
3. Read the bible. After all, it’s the clearest way to hear His Word!
4. Stop trying to be in control of everything I’m involved with & trust Him.
Good bye Mr Fix It!
the waywalker 